Paul Bissonnette's 33 Top Twitter Hits

The Post-Gazette had a nice feature on Paul Bissonnette, so in honor of his return to the 'Burgh for his first game in an opposing jersey, here's his top 33 tweets.  You may think this isn't such a difficult endeavor, but eliminating some gems was tough.  And it's not a nice round number like 25 or something because I just couldn't cut any more.  And yeah, I went back and included a lot of stuff -- including his defunct first account.

After the jump, let's get Biz Nasty.

He's funny because he knows his place:

@NoUsernameNed no offense to myself. But if u bought my hockey card for 139 dollars ur prolly on drugs.



I guess I should point out all spelling/grammar exactly was left as it was tweeted, but I suppose that's unnecessary.

Guess who just met Santa Clause. I asked for toilet paper and more ice time. Thanks Santa. http://yfrog.com/h2sm3jnj
I actually taught Crosby that trick. And pretty much half of what he knows. Those who can't do teach, right. I'm like his Yoda.



Note that Hamilton (Jim Balsamic's hometown) is approximately 35 miles from Bissonnette's home in Welland:

Just landed in Newark. Literally freezing my gonads off. Did jim balsamic buy our team yet? Cause I don't think I could take Winnipeg.

 

@LoMoMarlins haha. Yes soup de panty is a international food group of its own. Its an afrodiziak.



Regarding the Linus Omark spin-o-rama shootout goal:

Congrats to Linus and the Oilers. Just what da league needs, more skill guys. Ill be flipping burgers in no time #WouldYouLikeFriesWithThat

 

@jeffandmarkshow awww yes. Duquesne University. Visited those dorms a few times while I played with the penguins. #No...I'mNotAStudent.
stopped by Ganem jewelers. That's were all the guys treat there wives to nice stuff. But I'm single. So I treat myself. #CantBringItWithYou

 

Just finished getting an unreal massage. Needed it. And I know what u peeps with ur heads in the gutter are thinking. The answers is no.

 

@Melanie_Collins don't all women love staches? My dad has had one since I've been born. No wonder my moms always smilling #HoldTheHandleBars

 

He's not shy about admitting the language style he uses:

@rachaelxgiraud it would take an army of school teachers to proof read and correct my grammar errors.

 

Speaking of financial advisors. Talked to mine today. Hey asked when I was ganna send him money. I told him when I have some. #NoPortfolio

 

So found out some munson from Edmonton stoll my phone. What low life loser steals a phone? Karma's ganna speed bag that donkey.

 

Not gana lie. Lata good lookin girls in the crowd tonight. I was creeping in warm up. U know that's why warm up was invented #HowsTheTalent?



From his series of tweets on who he'd put in the All-Star game:

2nd line center. Crosby. And I will play with him. Ill play my off side and get 1 timers all game. Taylor pyatt on left side. My "bromance"

 

@CoyotesMan no @kyleturris is not my roomy on the road. The team would not want me corrupting his young mind. Smart move by the organization

 

@DeanYoungblood1 I believe the term is twooping. Tweeting while pooping. But no I'm am not. But I should be. Cause that just sounds cool.

 

Hey if u are curious to as why u always see pt cruisers causing accidents, its because its an old person car. Do the math



To his best friend who is a seventh year college student (and probably not studying medicine)

@chize86 haha ur a meatball. What are u ganna do today besides not go to class and creep out freshman? Man college sounds awesome.




This series was too good not to string all together:

bored in detroit, decided to pull a prank on Oliver ekman larson. He doesn't have my phone #, so texted him pretending to be nick lidstrom…..."Hey Oliver. This is Nick Lidstrom. Would u care to join me for dinner tonight?....Holy shap. He wrote me back in swedish. K I'm ganna write what he said some help me. All I know is the last thing was something about idol…..I translated it myself on sdl. He told me I'm his idol. As in lidstrom obviously. And said does 8 work? Amazing….Oliver figured it out. My roomate is out to eat with him right now and oliver asked if he had my number. Man swedish people are smart.

 

Just left "the joe". Tough skate today. I looked like datsyuk out there today. Minus the awesome hands, great shot, speed, and hockey sense.

 

My kids, if I ever accidentally have some, will not got to school. They will start twitter accounts and learn from the people.

 

Regarding Sidney Crosby:

Watching my old linemate in pitt score goals. But seriously we were on the ice together during a game once for like 8 seconds. That counts as linemate right?



About his performance in school:

I was medium, but I was kidding I embraced the nerds. Had to get my homework done somehow. Bing bang boom.



A message to the ladies:

Wanna say hey to all my biznatches out there. Tomorows Friday, get ur nails & hair did, trim ur unit, look good for the weekend….And try going with the landing strip, switch it up a bit. Be creative, or maybe hit up a barber shop and get some designs. Boom



@SoKoMarie girl I went on the date with. She doesn't have many tweet pals so folow her, but no asian jokes. I already used them all @ dinner

 

Is it embarasing that I still haven't bought toilet paper and went across da street to deuce at a restaurant? Keep in mind I didn't eat ther



Panties + moister = panty soup. Do not, and I repeat do not get the crab blend. U will instantly regret it. Upset stomach fo sho.

 

Hey guys, tip of da day. If u ever have a date over to ur pad, throw the planet earth dvd in. Its panty soup. Bating like .750 with dat move



This was posted on Father's Day:

hey everyone! im ganna call my parents house today and wish my mom a happy mothers day just to piss my dad off. everyones thoughts?

 

i just remembered a girl at the bar saturday told me she hates condoms more then black liquorice, haha I died laughing.

 

when i was 10 my dad had a ford aerostar van. i used to walk to hockey practice..... by choice.

 

Went to my parents tonight and my dad had his shirt tucked into his underwear. im looking for a new dad, applications being accepted now.




Did I miss your favorite gem?  It's not hard to do, feel free to throw it in the comments.  The Biz Nasty twitter account is the get that keeps on giving. 

Boom.

 



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