FanPost

68 Excuses.

OK. I'll say it. I thought Jagr's reasons/excuses were lame, insulting and still amusing. I decided to jot down a few more equally stupid ones. It actually felt therapeutic, so I kept going until the challenge of getting 68 excuses set in.

1- He forgot it was the archrival of the team that will eventually retire his jersey.

2- He wants to be like Ray Bourque and have his jersey retired in two cities.

3- He felt sorry for the Flyers and their Stanley Cup jinx and believes that he is the rabbit's paw they have been looking for.

4- He wants to be the first NHL player to win the Stanley Cup, Art Ross and Hart in two different cities.

5- He prefers to play with right-handed centers.

6- He is intimidated by the notion of being coached by a thoughtful strategic coach who won the Jack Adams.

7- His investment portfolio could make a capital gains increase of several million dollars, but he wants several million and the after tax fortune $1.3M will provide too.

8- He is intimidated by a workaholic like Crosby.

9- He really doesn't want to backcheck. Powerplay is enough.

10- He thought Phildelphia was an Original 6 team.

11- He was going to sign with Pittsburgh, but thought the mating turtles at the airport was a sign to do something rash.

12- He didn't want the zoo to name a penguin after him.

13- After telling Mario he would do his best to help the Penguins, he realized that his best was to take is moody sulky attitude to another team.

14- Last time he checked, the Penguins were doing just fine with minor leaguers.

15- "What? Their star players fight too?"

16- Doesn't know the Penguins now play in a state of the art arena.

17- They all speak Czech in Philadelphia.

18- Thought the chanting of "You suck. You suck." in Philadelphia was "Suck you. Suck you." Who could resist that offer?

19- Always wanted to play with Max Talbot and ask, "What is Crosby really like?"

20- "Missed the deadline? Wait. Is the international dateline in the Atlantic or the Pacific?"

21- Checked the stats. Crosby and Malkin actually block shots. Yikes!

22- Still stinging about the Steelers loss in the Superbowl.

23- Afraid he would be traded to Washington again.

24- Heard rumors about the poor ice conditions at the Consol Energy Center.

25- Flipped a coin. Heads, Pittsburgh. Tails, Detroit. Edge, philadelphia.

26- Was drafted 5th overall in 1990. Little creeped out by the prospect of playing with 4 guys drafted higher than he: Crosby (1st), Fleury (1st), Malkin (2nd) and Staal (2nd). And, Ryan Whitney (also 5th) was traded for Kunitz.

27- Kovie told him that they would get him at the trade deadline anyway, so why the rush?

28- The Czech Republic is landlocked, so he really wanted to live by the sea.

29- Wearing orange means there is less of a chance of getting shot by hunters.

30- Didn't want to contribute to Crosby beating his career highs of 62 goals, 87 assists and 149 points.

31- Letang is less intimidating to play against than Pronger.

32- Thanks to the Flyers uniform, people will call him an ass or a dick.

33- Pittsburgh makes him miss the mullet.

34- Hates it when GMs misspell is name 'Mario Jr' on offer letters.

35- "What does north-south style mean?"

36- Doesn't know that the Flyers also play 82 games.

37- Wanted to follow his heart, but said heart just lead him to the money.

38- "LeBron who?"

39- There was a misunderstanding. He said, "In a word, Pittsburgh. In two words, not Pittsburgh."

40- Was in the mood for a bidding war, but Shero wasn't.

41- It is better to apologize for not signing than to apologize for not performing to anyone's standards.

42- Misrepresenting your enthusiasm is acceptable in some countries.

43- Wants to make people happy and there are more people in Philadelphia.

44- Better to live dead in Philadelphia than to die alive in Pittsburgh.

45- Oddly, the first clause of Shero's offer letter said, "I dare you to sign somewhere else."

46- Nearly impossible to win elusive Conn Smythe on same team as Crosby, Malkin and Fleury.

47- Are your really reading this list? Cool.

48- Misheard "Je prens une douche." for "Jagr is a douche." Didn't know that the French word for 'shower' is 'douche'.

49- Hossa snubbed Pittsburgh and went on to win the Stanley Cup, so there.

50- Danny Briere and Claude Giroux are both going to have 100 point seasons according to an enthusiastic 14 year old Flyers fan.

51- The Marvel comics character for Philadelphia was cooler than the Pittsburgh one.

52- Always wanted to play an outdoor game like the Winter Classic and maybe even get on HBO.

53- Realized that the best thing for the Penguins buzz was to throw gasoline on the Flyers rivalry. Insulting Mario publicly was a nice touch.

54- Bryzgalov won 36 games last year, while Fleury only won 36.

55- If God wanted Penguins fans to be happy, he would have given them all pet monkeys.

56- Alcohol lead to a Flyers logo tattoo which lead to an unfortunate reduction in choices of teams.

57- The Flyers hometown makes a delicious cream cheese.

58- The best way to earn trust is to betray a friend's enemies who were once your friends.

59- The is a saying in Czech, "If you score a hat trick at the Ice Hockey World Championships, you cannot accept less than $3M to play in the NHL."

60- Even after 11 seasons in Pittsburgh, he never knew what exact species of Penguin was on his jersey. It bugged him.

61- Prefers to be the only former winner of the Art Ross and Hart on a forward line.

62- He actually hates the Flyers, but his therapist says that the best way to stop hating them is to give them a try.

63- Old guys don't like Xs and Os. Prefers a coach who will just pep talk the players.

64- Never lived Chez Lemieux like Crosby did. Hurts to be left out!

65- Really wanted to play in Pittsburgh, but not 41 home games. Complete misunderstanding.

66- On the way to sign the Pittsburgh contract, he mistakenly sat next to a hypnotist from Philadelphia. Clucking like a chicken, he signed with Philadelphia.

67- His father's name is also Jaromir Jagr. Thought the Pittsburgh offer was for his dad.

68- In Czech they say, "Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters."

Wanna extend the list to 100?

The content expressed in fanposts does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff here at Pensburgh.com. FanPosts are opinions expressed by fans of various teams throughout the league but may be more Pittsburgh-centric for obvious reasons.

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