OK. I'll say it. I thought Jagr's reasons/excuses were lame, insulting and still amusing. I decided to jot down a few more equally stupid ones. It actually felt therapeutic, so I kept going until the challenge of getting 68 excuses set in.
1- He forgot it was the archrival of the team that will eventually retire his jersey.
2- He wants to be like Ray Bourque and have his jersey retired in two cities.
3- He felt sorry for the Flyers and their Stanley Cup jinx and believes that he is the rabbit's paw they have been looking for.
4- He wants to be the first NHL player to win the Stanley Cup, Art Ross and Hart in two different cities.
5- He prefers to play with right-handed centers.
6- He is intimidated by the notion of being coached by a thoughtful strategic coach who won the Jack Adams.
7- His investment portfolio could make a capital gains increase of several million dollars, but he wants several million and the after tax fortune $1.3M will provide too.
8- He is intimidated by a workaholic like Crosby.
9- He really doesn't want to backcheck. Powerplay is enough.
10- He thought Phildelphia was an Original 6 team.
11- He was going to sign with Pittsburgh, but thought the mating turtles at the airport was a sign to do something rash.
12- He didn't want the zoo to name a penguin after him.
13- After telling Mario he would do his best to help the Penguins, he realized that his best was to take is moody sulky attitude to another team.
14- Last time he checked, the Penguins were doing just fine with minor leaguers.
15- "What? Their star players fight too?"
16- Doesn't know the Penguins now play in a state of the art arena.
17- They all speak Czech in Philadelphia.
18- Thought the chanting of "You suck. You suck." in Philadelphia was "Suck you. Suck you." Who could resist that offer?
19- Always wanted to play with Max Talbot and ask, "What is Crosby really like?"
20- "Missed the deadline? Wait. Is the international dateline in the Atlantic or the Pacific?"
21- Checked the stats. Crosby and Malkin actually block shots. Yikes!
22- Still stinging about the Steelers loss in the Superbowl.
23- Afraid he would be traded to Washington again.
24- Heard rumors about the poor ice conditions at the Consol Energy Center.
25- Flipped a coin. Heads, Pittsburgh. Tails, Detroit. Edge, philadelphia.
26- Was drafted 5th overall in 1990. Little creeped out by the prospect of playing with 4 guys drafted higher than he: Crosby (1st), Fleury (1st), Malkin (2nd) and Staal (2nd). And, Ryan Whitney (also 5th) was traded for Kunitz.
27- Kovie told him that they would get him at the trade deadline anyway, so why the rush?
28- The Czech Republic is landlocked, so he really wanted to live by the sea.
29- Wearing orange means there is less of a chance of getting shot by hunters.
30- Didn't want to contribute to Crosby beating his career highs of 62 goals, 87 assists and 149 points.
31- Letang is less intimidating to play against than Pronger.
32- Thanks to the Flyers uniform, people will call him an ass or a dick.
33- Pittsburgh makes him miss the mullet.
34- Hates it when GMs misspell is name 'Mario Jr' on offer letters.
35- "What does north-south style mean?"
36- Doesn't know that the Flyers also play 82 games.
37- Wanted to follow his heart, but said heart just lead him to the money.
38- "LeBron who?"
39- There was a misunderstanding. He said, "In a word, Pittsburgh. In two words, not Pittsburgh."
40- Was in the mood for a bidding war, but Shero wasn't.
41- It is better to apologize for not signing than to apologize for not performing to anyone's standards.
42- Misrepresenting your enthusiasm is acceptable in some countries.
43- Wants to make people happy and there are more people in Philadelphia.
44- Better to live dead in Philadelphia than to die alive in Pittsburgh.
45- Oddly, the first clause of Shero's offer letter said, "I dare you to sign somewhere else."
46- Nearly impossible to win elusive Conn Smythe on same team as Crosby, Malkin and Fleury.
47- Are your really reading this list? Cool.
48- Misheard "Je prens une douche." for "Jagr is a douche." Didn't know that the French word for 'shower' is 'douche'.
49- Hossa snubbed Pittsburgh and went on to win the Stanley Cup, so there.
50- Danny Briere and Claude Giroux are both going to have 100 point seasons according to an enthusiastic 14 year old Flyers fan.
51- The Marvel comics character for Philadelphia was cooler than the Pittsburgh one.
52- Always wanted to play an outdoor game like the Winter Classic and maybe even get on HBO.
53- Realized that the best thing for the Penguins buzz was to throw gasoline on the Flyers rivalry. Insulting Mario publicly was a nice touch.
54- Bryzgalov won 36 games last year, while Fleury only won 36.
55- If God wanted Penguins fans to be happy, he would have given them all pet monkeys.
56- Alcohol lead to a Flyers logo tattoo which lead to an unfortunate reduction in choices of teams.
57- The Flyers hometown makes a delicious cream cheese.
58- The best way to earn trust is to betray a friend's enemies who were once your friends.
59- The is a saying in Czech, "If you score a hat trick at the Ice Hockey World Championships, you cannot accept less than $3M to play in the NHL."
60- Even after 11 seasons in Pittsburgh, he never knew what exact species of Penguin was on his jersey. It bugged him.
61- Prefers to be the only former winner of the Art Ross and Hart on a forward line.
62- He actually hates the Flyers, but his therapist says that the best way to stop hating them is to give them a try.
63- Old guys don't like Xs and Os. Prefers a coach who will just pep talk the players.
64- Never lived Chez Lemieux like Crosby did. Hurts to be left out!
65- Really wanted to play in Pittsburgh, but not 41 home games. Complete misunderstanding.
66- On the way to sign the Pittsburgh contract, he mistakenly sat next to a hypnotist from Philadelphia. Clucking like a chicken, he signed with Philadelphia.
67- His father's name is also Jaromir Jagr. Thought the Pittsburgh offer was for his dad.
68- In Czech they say, "Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters."
Wanna extend the list to 100?