Alternate Penguins gift ideas

As the holiday season approaches, a look at some gifts we would like to get some of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Mario Lemieux: the phone number of a good interior decorator for that new crib in Canada.

Ron Burkle: A note of thanks for his help in trying to end the lockout earlier this month.

Dan Bylsma: A compass that only displays his favorite directions: North/South.

Sidney Crosby: An English to German dictionary if he decides to play in Switzerland

Evgeni Malkin: A big shelf to hang all the awards he piled up in 2012

James Neal: Protein shakes to help recover the muscles after the endless off-season workouts with Gary Roberts

Craig Adams: A book and a nice rest from boardroom meetings and traveling to New York City

Joe Vitale and Kris Letang: A lot of diapers

Marc-Andre Fleury: A new glove, just in case

Tomas Vokoun: A new groin…just in case

Tyler Kennedy: Tutor shooter with reinforcing on the goalie’s chest.

Brandon Sutter: Jordan Staal jersey, on sale. (Hey if you can’t beat the shadow, be the shadow, right?)

Paul Martin: Giant Eagle advantage card to stock up on ingredients for James Neal’s breakfasts

Pascal Dupuis: Some league-wide respect for his still current NHL-longest points streak

Beau Bennett: The name of a real estate agent in Pittsburgh, that he’ll need very soon

Gary Bettman, Donald Fehr, Bill Daly and Steve Fehr: Big lump of coal that they can split 50/50 if they figure out how to divide last year’s gift that they’re still arguing about

NHL fans and Pensburgh readers everywhere: A very happy and safe holiday with all the gifts you want...And the hope for a quick and painless end to this senseless lockout