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Game preview: Penguins vs. Bruins

A look at the lighter side- Stanley Cup of Chowder stops by to help us understand defense and why the Bruins have someone named "Dougie" on their team.

Justin K. Aller

#1 - The Bruins have only allowed 46 goals this season, which I think the Pens have given up in about the last 5 games, give or take. How do they play this thing called "defense"? Do any red lights and goal horns and celebrations happen when this "defense" is accomplished? Asking for 21 friends (and 2 very bitter goalies)...

1. Okay I'm going to let you in on our dirty little secret. Here's how you get a good defense:

a) Make one of the best defensemen in the world your captain.
b) Make sure he's bigger than anyone else in the league.
c) Make one of the best defensive forwards in the world your first alternate captain
d) Make sure the rest of the players either look up to or fear those guys
e) Have your coach bench guys who won't play defense.
f) Get an incredible goalie

If you follow those simple steps, you too can rise out of the bottom third in goals against/game in the league.

#2 - How'd it feel to suffer through 18 games of Chris Bourque? And what the hell took so long to realize he wasn't very good? I get the last name carries some weight around those parts, but yikes. (And I just looked it up to realize Bourque actually "played" 20 games as a Penguin. Felt more like 4, looking back on it.)

Chris Bourque is killing it in Providence, Praise the Son of Ray for he may deliver us the Calder Cup. Yeah it was and is glaringly obvious that he's not really fit for the NHL. Good on him for getting the call-up but now it's time to show off Jordan Caron for a trade. And hopefully bringing in the Swedish Unicorn, Carl Soderberg.

#3 - The big, bad Bruins have a guy named Dougie on the team. Shouldn't Milan Lucic and Shawn Thornton have hazed him into changing it down to a normal, adult "Doug" by now? You guys going soft up there or what?

If you want to start some shit about nicknames, I suggest you go back in time and talk to Eddie Shore and Bobby Orr. One will ruin your life for looking at you funny and the other will kill you with kindness. Dougie seems to come down more on the Bobby side of things than Eddie but there's still time.

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