Ranking the Pittsburgh Penguins holiday videos

For the last several years, the Pittsburgh Penguins have released an annual holiday-themed video parodying a classic Christmas movie. Whether you’ve seen them all since day one, or have no idea what I’m talking about, just know that these short videos are created with some of the best acting and special effects ever put to screen.

Due to the nature of the coronavirus pandemic, and the NHL not beginning its season until January at the earliest, that means a 2020 Penguins holiday video is probably not in the cards.

With that, let’s take a trip down memory lane, see some old faces, and rank all of the previous Penguins holiday videos from worst to first.

#6: 2018 — Holiday Training

This isn't a take on a movie, as it’s more of an old school instructional video for all of your holiday do’s and don’ts.

Now, this ranking is obviously subjective, but I just have a hard time finding something funny in this video compared to what’s to come.

Phil Kessel doing nothing and “being Phil” with the Yule log is probably what I enjoy the most about this clip.

#5: 2019 — The Santa Clause

Admittedly, The Santa Clause is not one of my go-to Christmas flicks, but there are a few shots in here that I enjoyed.

Having Sidney Crosby don the “SC” robe and play the part of main character Scott Calvin was pretty clever. Phil Bourque being named the perpetrator was funny.

The interrogation scene where the hard-nosed cop starts to break character was probably the best part of the video for me.

And it wouldn't be a holiday video if they didn't have Dan Potash play a lady.

#4: 2017 — A Christmas Story

A movie so beloved, they play it for 24 hours straight on Christmas Eve through Christmas Day. Although, I don't know if I’d subject my worst enemy to watching this remake for 24 hours.

Olli Maatta playing Ralphie’s brother Randy seemed oddly fitting? Is it Maatta’s baby face?

Evgeni Malkin getting his mouth washed out with soap is pretty great. In a contrast to real life, however, it seems like the F-word is Malkin’s favorite word to use on the ice.

Dan Potash playing the old lady teacher. Check.

Brian Dumoulin’s delivery of “official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle” is superb.

Phil Kessel being cast as Mr. Parker was a fine choice. Just enough corniness to pull it off.

And Matt Murray getting to play the part of Flick and getting his tongue stuck was funny, too.

The video ends with some Oscar-worthy acting from the Captain, as Sidney Crosby portrays Ralphie and pretends to apprehend the criminal outlaw, Black Bart.

#3: 2016 — Elf

The Elf parody immediately kicks off with a baby version of Buddy the Elf being portrayed by Olli Maatta again! It’s definitely that baby face.

The quick cameo of Jim Rutherford as Papa Elf was absolutely fantastic.

Tiny Conor Sheary playing the stereotypical elf and getting crushed is A-level casting.

Marc-Andre Fleury eating the street gum and cotton balls. Definitely a Fleury move. And the old, grizzled, no-nonsense attitude of Matt Cullen as Walter fits here.

Crosby’s “Son of a nutcracker!” line was great, only because you can kind of tell right at the very end that he’s doing everything in his power to not burst out laughing.

Dan Potash playing Zooey Deschanel’s character of Jovie. Check.

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”

#2: 2015 — Home Alone

These final two videos just might be tied for my favorite. The level of terrible, corny acting, dumpster-level dialogue delivery, and everything else in between truly makes these videos holiday classics.

A Daniel Sprong appearance right from the jump! What simpler times, eh?

Pascal Dupuis playing Kevin’s father, sitting right alongside Dan Potash playing... Kevin’s mother. Check.

Kris Letang screaming is pretty great.

Phil Bourque being cropped in as Buzz’s girlfriend, with Jeff Zatkoff’s delivery of “woof!” made me audibly chuckle.

Beau Bennett as the pizza delivery boy was great casting. Beau forever looks like a teenager. Beau, if you’re reading this, I mean that in the nicest way possible.

And an absolutely stunning cameo from Mike Lange playing the gangster is the chef’s kiss. Perfect.

Phil Kessel is Joe Pesci’s character, Harry, getting his head set on fire, and grinning ear-to-ear. It’s so bad, it’s good.

Bob Errey and Paul Steigerwald playing Marv and Harry respectively in the post-credits scene gave me a good laugh to end the video.

#1: 2014 — Christmas Vacation

Out of all the holiday videos, this is the one that I see memes of the most while scrolling through Penguins Twitter. They say the first one is always the best one, and that mantra rings true here.

Rob Scuderi. Paul Martin. Chris Kunitz. How’s that for a throwback Thursday. Jim Rutherford’s “whaddya want?” as Mr. Shirley has since received the GIF treatment and I’ve seen it used countless times when Rutherford’s name is brought up in trade talks.

I’m pretty sure that’s Zach Sill playing Randy Quaid’s Eddie Johnson?

Robert Bortuzzo and Beau Bennett have a built-in chemistry as Todd and Margo. Best buds off the ice and in the pictures.

Mike Lange strikes gold as Uncle Lewis. “THE BLESSING!” That has also received the meme treatment. And deservedly so.

And the very last shot, perhaps the most famous line to ever come out of these holiday remakes:

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There you have it. The ultimate review of every single Penguins holiday video.

Did I miss your favorite part? Let us know your thoughts on the remakes down below.