Overanalyzing some of the Penguins promotional giveaways

Ah, yes. The point at the tail end of the Pittsburgh Penguins off-season, right before training camp, where the news dries up quicker than a snow cone in the Sahara.

I could have spent the morning talking about how Tomas Tatar signed with the Colorado Avalanche, but, meh, where’s the fun in that?

Instead, I want to talk with you, loyal reader, about some of the fun promotional games the Penguins are highlighting on their home schedule this season.

The Penguins will have 25 promotional or themed nights across the 2023-24 season. Let’s take a look at some of the more intriguing games.

Oct. 10, 2023 - Chicago Blackhawks - Light-up LED bracelet and magnetic schedule

A twofer to kick off the 2023-24 NHL season against the Chicago Blackhawks and the “next, next, next Sidney Crosby,” the Penguins are welcoming Connor Bedard to the big time with a light-up bracelet to strike fear into the opposition, as well as a handy dandy magnetic schedule.

Being slightly serious here, the magnetic schedule giveaways are one of the better giveaway items because of their purpose. Whether you stick it on your fridge or in your office cubicle, you’ll always have a quick reference guide to know when the Penguins will deliver a slobber knocker to their cross-state rivals in orange and black.

Oct. 28, 2023 - Ottawa Senators - Reusable grocery bag

Do your part and help care for Mother Earth by attending a game against the Ottawa Senators and receiving a reusable grocery bag. More and more stores are operating under the guidelines of BYOB—bring your own booze bag—to help eliminate the need for paper or plastic bag waste.

Oct. 30, 2023 - Anaheim Ducks - Halloween celebration

For those spooky season supporters, the Penguins are hoping that the only ghouls, ghosts, and goblins come in the form of fans behind the glass rather than on the ice. With the Ducks still in something of a rebuild, hopefully, the team can close out October with a scarily good victory.

Dec. 21, 2023 - Carolina Hurricanes - Ugly sweater night

Christmas will be right around the corner when the Penguins welcome their divisional rivals to town. Ugly Sweater Night offers one of the better chances for fans to show off their creative side by wearing a garment you’d never want to be seen with in public. Wear it loud, wear it proud, but please put it back in the closet for another 365 days after this game is over.

Jan. 6, 2024 - Sidney Crosby bobblehead; Jan. 27, 2024 - Evgeni Malkin bobblehead; Feb. 22, 2024 - Kris Letang bobblehead

Honoring the Big Three and three of the longest-tenured players in franchise history, the team’s only bobblehead nights of the season come when the calendar turns into 2024.

For those bobblehead collectors, you’ll want to be at PPG Paints Arena to get your hands on these miniaturized versions of three of the greatest players to ever wear the black and gold.

Jan. 11, 2024 - Vancouver Canucks - Mental health awareness game

There’s no quippy remark for this entry.

Mental health is important, and as someone who regularly goes to therapy and medicates, I cannot stress enough about the importance of looking after your mental well-being.

Feb. 18, 2024 - Los Angeles Kings - Team yearbook

Look back with fond memories in the years to come (much like the days when you probably peaked in high school) with the yearly yearbook release. I probably have a few of these from the 2011-2015 teams lying in a box somewhere.

Time to reminisce about that 2013 team that got swept in the Eastern Conference Final.

March 16 & 17, 2024 - New York Rangers & Detroit Red Wings - St. Patrick’s Day celebration

A two-day, back-to-back event for those who pay homage to their Irish heritage (and those who claim they’re 0.001% Irish to justify their antics), go green and down every green drink in sight. Late-season games against the Red Wings and Rangers may be more than enough cause to sling ‘em back.

*Please drink responsibly.

March 28, 2024 - Columbus Blue Jackets - Patterned shirt

Let people know from up to 25 miles away which hockey team you support by donning this boldly yellow Penguins-themed short-sleeve shirt with various logos and catchphrases that have become part of the team’s identity.

April 15, 2024 - Nashville Predators - Fan appreciation game

More commonly referred to as the “shirts off their backs game,” here’s hoping 2024’s edition of this longstanding tradition has a happier ending than the one fans endured last year against the Blackhawks in the final game of the season.

That was awkward.

“Here’s my sweaty jersey! Sorry, we won’t be in the playoffs for the first time since the George W. Bush administration!”

While this list is not exhaustive, it may provide you, the loyal PensBurgh reader, with inspiration as we near the beginning of another hockey season.

I wish the team offered another Star Wars Night in this year’s schedule. Oh well. There’s always next season.